Understanding Your Child: Type 2 of 9

In this post, I discuss type 2 of 9 (Motivation: feel needed; Action Goal: give).   It is rare to come across a child with an obvious tendency toward a type 2 core personality.  Although many children enjoy ‘helping’ grownups, the type 2 child would stand out in her eagerness to be helpful and giving to other children on a day to day basis.  This child would act confident, and would be focused on other children with the expectation that she would be appreciated for her efforts.  Although grownups with a core 2 personality often do not act confident after years of unbalanced relationships, type 2 children will generally show a sense of pride in their role as giver.

If you are wondering whether a child you know is influenced by a type 2 personality, it may help to ask yourself these questions:
A.   Are they frequently focused on giving something to somebody?
B.   Are they confused when their offer to give is not accepted?
C.  Do they seem unclear on how to focus on themselves?
D.  Do they have little to say when asked about their own needs or feelings?
E.   Do they interpret not being allowed to give as not being liked?

All of these statements would be true for most 2 types.  As always, wings influence the core type, so there may be some minor exceptions.  Type 2 children, while acting with maturity, may need consistent guidance on issues related to boundaries.   If a child in your life is strongly influenced by a type 2 core personality, that child may benefit from frequent exploration of activities they personally enjoy and have the opportunity to choose on a consistent basis.  It may also be beneficial to support that child is discovering choices other than giving that are met with validation from adults and other children.

Understanding Your Child: Type 1 of 9

Anyone who spends time with children knows that they experience life differently from grownups.   As their brains process the constant influx of new information, their personalities continue to develop in various directions that help define skills, interests, perspective and temperament.  There are different opinions as to whether core personality is fully formed at birth, or is influenced by environmental factors.  Regardless, as young personalities move through developmental stages, it may be difficult to clearly identify a core personality type.  
 

That said, I still think it can be very helpful to notice certain Enneagram personality markers in a young child.  As a parent, I need all the clues I can get, and the Enneagram can offer some valuable ones.  This next series of posts will progress through the 9 personality types as they apply to children.  In this post, I discuss type 1 of 9 (Motivation: feel safe; Action Goal: make the world right).  

Children with a tendency toward a type 1 core personality feel safest when life is highly consistent and predictable.  They generally feel stressed in times of transition and when unexpected events or circumstances arise.  Like their grownup counterparts, they prefer structure, rules, a clear ‘right’ way to live and do things.  Children influenced by a type 1 personality generally find it challenging to talk about feelings (theirs or anyone else’s.)  It is important to understand that the linear thought process of type 1 personality children is not likely to be positively influenced by pressure to change.  Helping the type 1 child process emotional experience involves baby steps that begin with helping the child find safety in his/her own body.

If you are wondering whether a child you know is influenced by a type 1 personality, it may help to ask yourself these questions:

A.   Do they like routine?

B.   Do they tend to be organized?

C.  Are they very bothered when things do not go as planned?

D.  Do they often seem inflexible?

E.   Do they try to avoid change?

F.   Do they seem confused when asked to talk about feelings?

G.  Do they thrive on adult validation?

H.  Does the term “perfectionist” suit them?

All of these statements would be true for most children influenced by a type 1 personality.  As children develop, the personality wings evolve in relation to the core personality, making it possible for different parts of the personality to surface in different ways at various points of development.  

If you have regular contact with a type 1 child, it might help to understand that they are driven by the need to feel safe.  Just as with adults, the overwhelming threat of an ever-changing world puts 1 types in a constant state of self-preservation that translates into what many interpret as perfectionist behavior.

Personality Types Explored: Type 9 of 9

Personality type 9 explored

Core Motivation: feel accepted;                                                                   

Action Goal: find places and ways to belong

Type 9 people are the most diverse group among the nine personality groups.  At their core, they are extremely adaptable to their environment, and tend to be very open to others’ preferences for how to live or do things.  Unless specifically influenced by someone with an intolerant personality, they readily empathize with other people’s feelings and perspectives and are generally reticent to choose one side over another.    Under duress, type 9 people are the most strongly influenced by their personality wings (8 on one side, and 1 on the other).  Typically, trauma or severe stress will elicit reaction from either the 8 (power seeking) wing, or the 1 (safety seeking) wing.  9 type people who are not directly influenced by an outside attitude, and are not processing extreme trauma or stress tend to be very easygoing in both work and home environments.

If you are wondering if someone you know is a type 9, it may help to ask the following questions:

1.   Do they seem happiest when they feel part of a defined group?

2.   Does their behavior change significantly in response to their environment?

3.   Is it difficult to say exactly who they are and what they want?

4.   Do they focus their identity on the roles they play relative to others?

5.   Do they seek a clear structure or power role when stressed?

All of these statements would be true for most 9 types.  As mentioned, wings influence the core type, so there may be minor exceptions.   On a personal level, I think 9 types could be compatible with 1 types, 2 types, 3 types, 6 types, 7 types and 8 types.  If you have a type 9 person in your life, it may help to realize that they are particularly susceptible to the effects of stress and trauma.  Although, at their core, they put high priority on pleasing others, stress and trauma tend to undermine their sense of self at a very fundamental level.  As a result, they may begin to live purely in reaction to the threat they feel.  It may be useful to support them in identifying a social or professional group that can guide them back to a part of their identity that fulfills them.

Personality Types Explored: Type 8 of 9

Personality type 8 explored

Core Motivation: feel powerful;                                                                   

Action Goal: take charge of people & circumstances

Type 8 people are driven by the question: “how can I exercise my power here?”  They see their environment as a land of opportunity for manifesting their full power potential.  The quest for power can be very positive, especially within social or corporate structures in need of strong leadership.  Type 8 personalities can align with very benevolent objectives that aim to eliminate all that ails society.  Type 8 people position themselves for leadership in corporate, political, athletic, and fiscal realms.  However, even when they have good intentions, type 8 individuals generally come across as intimidating and challenging communication partners.  The type 8 approach to life is to plough through.  This approach carries over into every facet of life, and can earn them a reputation for inflexibility and bossiness.  

If you are wondering if someone you know is a type 8, it may help to ask the following questions:

1.   Do they routinely pursue the alpha role in personal and professional contexts?

2.   Do they confront challenges and people head on?

3.   Do they have strong resistance to taking orders?

4.   Do they get along best with those who are comfortable following?

5.   Are they generally perceived as tough and unapproachable?

All of these statements would be true for most 8 types.  As always, wings influence the core type, so there may be minor exceptions.   On a personal level, I think 8 types could be compatible with 2 types and 7 types.  If you interact with a type 8 individual on a regular basis, you may feel the need to hold back your thoughts or feelings much of the time.  8 types are particularly tuned in to the power dynamic around them, and often can seem sensitive to communication they interpret as threatening to their power status.

Personality Types Explored: Type 7 of 9

Personality type 7 explored

Core Motivation: feel the high;                                                                          

Action Goal: seek out where thrill can be had in each moment

Type 7 people live in the here and now.  Living for the present, they pursue experiences that yield a high concentration of thrilling or intensely satisfying moments.  Fun is a top a priority for them.  Type 7 people generally choose professions that promise high profile excitement.  Advertising and media, acting, extreme athletics, etc. are industries that attract a high percentage of 7 types.  Being successfully spontaneous comes naturally to them.  Your type 7 friend is the one to invite to a good-time outing.  Type 7 people are generally well meaning, although reliability and honesty are not intrinsically important to them.  The truth of the moment is their focus, and they are comfortable saying or promising whatever feels genuine at the time.  

If you are wondering if someone you know is a type 7, it may help to ask the following questions:

1.   Do they prioritize having a good time?
2.   Do they favor spontaneity over long-term planning?
3.   Are they generally fun to be around?
4.   Do they generally minimize the importance of follow-through?
5.   Do they generally have a ‘live and let live’ attitude?

All of these statements would be true for most 7 types.  As always, wings influence the core type, so there may be minor exceptions.   On a personal level, I think 7 types could be compatible with 2 types, 3 types, and 7 types.  If you have a personal or professional relationship with a type 7 individual, it is important to align your expectations with recognition of type 7 natural tendencies.  Emphasizing opportunities for in-the-moment gratification is likely one of the more effective ways to engage a type 7 person in any kind of joint venture.

Personality Types Explored: Type 6 of 9

Personality type 6 explored

Core Motivation: feel seen;                                                                   

Action Goal: be everywhere at once

Type 6 people are the most psychologically complex of the 9 types. They frequently shift their focus, and cycle through various tasks, goals and emotional states as a matter of course.  Their propensity for perpetual multitasking acts as both a superpower and an Achilles heel.  At their happiest, 6 types can be compared to a waiter balancing a huge tray of dishes and glasses on their head.  When stressed, 6 types lose connection to their unified life, and can appear scattered or anxious. Internally, they can experience a sense of urgency about not ‘missing anything,’ as someone juggling a bunch of soup bowls might feel.  Type 6 people tend to be sensitive to subtle mood shifts in the people around them.  This sensitivity can trigger the type 6 person into their own unsettled emotional state.

If you are wondering if someone you know is a type 6, it may help to ask the following questions:

1.   Are they generally social?

2.   Do they seem to have many ‘irons in the fire’ at all times?

3.   Do they often express an unsettled feeling?

4.   Can they seem hyper-sensitive to the way others relate to them?

5.   Does their attention shift frequently?

6.   Are they hyper-vigilant with regard to certain concerns?

All of these statements would be true for most 6 types.  As always, wings influence the core type, so there may be minor exceptions.   On a personal level, I think 6 types could be compatible with 2 types, 3 types, and 9 types.  If you have a family member or co-worker who is a type 6, it is reasonable to assume that they are managing many different (possibly conflicting) thoughts and feelings within themselves on an ongoing basis.   Maintaining direct communication (that doesn’t leave them guessing and worrying) is likely to serve your relationship well. 

Personality Types Explored: Type 5 of 9

Personality type 5 explored

Core Motivation: feel important;

Action Goal: reveal what is important and true

Type 5 people are individualists who prioritize honesty and ‘getting to the bottom’ of any topic that interests them.  They are inclined to stay focused on a single task or goal from start to finish before moving on to something new, and can have strong resistance to being interrupted.  They are committed to their own perceptions of life, and have strong resistance to being told how to live, work or think.  As a type 5, I can vouch for the fact that we are often accused of taking ourselves too seriously and thinking too much.  We are often perceived as having a know-it-all attitude, and can easily come across as aloof and defensive.  We generally are invested in being ‘right,’ and often prioritize ‘winning’ arguments to the detriment of our significant relationships.  Our tendency toward extremely direct and, at times, painfully honest communication can result in alienation from those around us.  Generally analytical, we think carefully before making ourselves emotionally vulnerable.

If you are wondering if someone you know is a type 5, it may help to ask the following questions:

1.   Do they like being different from everyone else?

2.   Do they pride themselves on always being honest and direct?

3.   Do they get frustrated when they have difficulty understanding something?

4.   Do they like to analyze?

5.   Do they put high value on being ‘right?’

6.   Are they individualists, having little tolerance for being told what to do or think?

7.   Do they minimize the value of having fun?
8. Do they like to stay on task (short or long term) until completion?

All of these statements would be true for most 5 types.  As always, wings influence the core type, so there may be minor exceptions.   On a personal level, I think 5 types could be compatible with 2 types, 3 types, 4 types, and 9 types.  If you are negotiating a personal or professional conflict with someone who is a type 5, and you hope to open new avenues of discussion, it may be useful to ask questions that convey a curiosity about, and interest in, that person’s perspective and opinion.  In general, it may help to understand that type 5 individuals respond defensively when they feel underestimated.  Their sometimes eccentric approach to life can disguise the fact that they want to feel important and valued.

Personality Types Explored: Type 4 of 9

Personality Type 4 explored

Core Motivation: feel understood;

Action Goal: communicate honestly or not at all

Type 4 people experience life at a deep emotional and intuitive level.  They generally feel a strong need to express their deep emotions in some creative form.  They prefer to communicate only with those whom they deeply trust.  Feeling misunderstood is very painful for them, and can lead to feelings of isolation and depression.  Living a strong and complex internal life, 4 types pursue careers that allow for flexibility, independence and freedom to follow their intuitive sense.

If you are wondering if someone you know is a type 4, it may help to ask the following questions:

1. Do they spend much of their time engaged in some form of creative, artistic expression?
2. Do they have a small, intimate circle of people with whom they connect?
3. Do they tend to avoid crowds and wild parties?
4. In conversation, do they tend to focus on the deep, emotional aspect of whatever is being discussed?
5. Do they communicate with emotional intensity?

All of these statements would be true for most 4 types.  As always, wings influence the core type, so there may be minor exceptions.   On a personal level, I think 4 types could be compatible with 2 types, 4 types, or 5 types.  Type 4 people generally work in artistic and intuitive professions.  They prefer to be self-employed, so would most likely be encountered in independent contractor type arrangements.  If you are involved personally or professionally with a type 4 individual, he or she is likely to be sensitive to certain emotional nuances that you may find completely irrelevant.  If you can hear and respect the emotional terms that may have no significance to you, your relationship with a type 4 will be well served.

Personality Types Explored: Type 3 of 9

Personality Type 3 explored

Core Motivation: feel successful;

Action Goal: lead a major agenda

Type 3 people seek out leadership roles.  They feel happiest when they are coordinating large group efforts.  They are generally practical, result oriented, and focused on moving up the organizational ladder.  Type 3 professionals who are content with their lives are the bosses everyone wants.  They have achieved some of their top goals and they feel successful.  They spread that feeling of success to those who work with them.  In contrast, unhappy type 3 bosses can come across very demanding, controlling and unsympathetic.  They have likely experienced barriers to success, and may not be ready to examine their own role in any perceived failure.

If you are wondering if someone you know is a type 3, it may help to ask the following questions:

1. Do they define their roles in leadership terms?
2. Do they consistently seek higher status roles?
3. Do they enjoy fast-paced, high-productivity environments?
4. Are they generally practical, often dismissing emotional reactions as inappropriate or irrelevant?
5. Do they generally make a good first impression?
6. Are they generally diplomatic?
7. Are they generally motivated by a concrete measure of success?

All of these statements would be true for most 3 types.  As always, wings influence the core type, so there may be minor exceptions.   On a personal level, I think 3 types could be compatible with 1 types, 2 types, 6 types, 7 types, and 9 types.  Personal and professional relationships with type 3 people are happiest with clearly defined roles that include some trusted leadership position for the type 3 person.  If you have a question or concern about a decision made by a type 3, communication that shows deference and respect is most likely to be well received.  The similarities and differences between different types that have some characteristics in common (such as type 1 and type 3) will be discussed in future posts.